Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
