I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
