Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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