it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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