He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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