Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
