we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
