We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When are your genitals available?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
