Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
