Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
