In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
