Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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