chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
