Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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