my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
