When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
