While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
