I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
