I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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