I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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