Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize