Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
