i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
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They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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