She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
