i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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