ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
