Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
