I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
