It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
