oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
