my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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