i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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