I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
