have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
