I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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