I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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