Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
