I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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