it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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