just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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