i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
