Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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