Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
