i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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