He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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