Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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