I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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