I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The uberlube is also flammable
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
