I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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