is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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