Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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