Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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