Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
