They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had to coat check the pizza.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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