My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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