she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
