i can't believe i had my finger in that
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
