You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
