You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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