iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
