We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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