I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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