I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats