Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair