even my farts smell like vagina
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.