How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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