i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
