it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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