meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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